Struggling with it being about me.
I had a day yesterday that I did not feel I was real for anyone I was in contact with.
My mind was definitely residing firmly in the future. There is an opportunity for me to get my "dream job". I am meeting with the organization on Thursday hopefully to find out if I am hired. My mind appears to have put 'NOW' completely on hold. I am struggling to stay present to the moment, and I am clearly being all about ME. The cost is that people who wish to relate with me NOW, are not getting me. I am with holding myself.
The truth is, there is nothing I can do NOW to change anything about getting this job. I have said what I will say, and they now need to decide. As a Christian, I am struggling to "let go and let God". I want to be in control. After a lifetime of thinking I am the centre of the universe and in control of everything, I am finding it very humbling. I believe this is a good place to be.
But back to NOW. I know the easiest "fix" for finding myself being "about me", is to put activities into place that are "about others". So if any of you would like to give me something to do that would be about YOU, let me know.
Wait, it still ends up being about me, cuz I am only asking you to be a distraction for, guess who? ME
arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg
Ha ha.
You know what, we can over analyse everything we do in life till we go mad, OR, we can accept what IS.
Right now, I am just thrilled to death about an opportunity that is a dream come true for me. I am human (last I checked), and when something exciting happens or could happen, it is reasonable that a person could be distracted. I don't need to apologize for being excited about a chance to do what I have always wanted.
You know how they ask you in high school, "if money was not an issue, or, if you won the lottery, what would you do with your life?". I would do what this opportunity is.
So I struggle daily with "is it too good to be true?", "do I deserve it?". All kinds of fun stuff. Bottom line for me, I have been authentic/honest in my conversations with the organization and it is now out of my hands. Should this be what God has in store for me, I cannot imagine being more fulfilled. If this isn't, then I will continue to be myself and strive to serve God and others as He calls me.
I feel like this is the most disjointed post I have done to date. Hope you enjoy it never the less.
Love Always,
The Webgodfather
--
Dan Hewton
danhewton@gmail.com
My mind was definitely residing firmly in the future. There is an opportunity for me to get my "dream job". I am meeting with the organization on Thursday hopefully to find out if I am hired. My mind appears to have put 'NOW' completely on hold. I am struggling to stay present to the moment, and I am clearly being all about ME. The cost is that people who wish to relate with me NOW, are not getting me. I am with holding myself.
The truth is, there is nothing I can do NOW to change anything about getting this job. I have said what I will say, and they now need to decide. As a Christian, I am struggling to "let go and let God". I want to be in control. After a lifetime of thinking I am the centre of the universe and in control of everything, I am finding it very humbling. I believe this is a good place to be.
But back to NOW. I know the easiest "fix" for finding myself being "about me", is to put activities into place that are "about others". So if any of you would like to give me something to do that would be about YOU, let me know.
Wait, it still ends up being about me, cuz I am only asking you to be a distraction for, guess who? ME
arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggg
Ha ha.
You know what, we can over analyse everything we do in life till we go mad, OR, we can accept what IS.
Right now, I am just thrilled to death about an opportunity that is a dream come true for me. I am human (last I checked), and when something exciting happens or could happen, it is reasonable that a person could be distracted. I don't need to apologize for being excited about a chance to do what I have always wanted.
You know how they ask you in high school, "if money was not an issue, or, if you won the lottery, what would you do with your life?". I would do what this opportunity is.
So I struggle daily with "is it too good to be true?", "do I deserve it?". All kinds of fun stuff. Bottom line for me, I have been authentic/honest in my conversations with the organization and it is now out of my hands. Should this be what God has in store for me, I cannot imagine being more fulfilled. If this isn't, then I will continue to be myself and strive to serve God and others as He calls me.
I feel like this is the most disjointed post I have done to date. Hope you enjoy it never the less.
Love Always,
The Webgodfather
--
Dan Hewton
danhewton@gmail.com
posted by Daniel Hewton at
11:01 AM
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