Hard Revelation III
This morning I was having an almost out of body experience as I was observing myself in action. My wife was saying something (I can't even remember what it was) that I felt myself being made wrong. I could feel my levels of agitation rising, but I was in control of it. I allowed myself to bask in the agitation so I could see everything that was going on.
I made an interesting discovery. Within that moment I had a number of intense thoughts. One was "This is NOT FAIR." Anyone remember that one from when you were kids. Well this is alive and well in me at age 39. Justice. "This is not fair that I should be spoken to in this way. She SHOULD....." BINGO. The "should" mentality of living. She should this, she should that. Followed by "WHY SHOULD I..... WHEN SHE....."
This leads into the next point. I discovered that in that situation I was analyzing and assessing (JUDGING) what her reactions were, where they came from, and whether she should be allowed to have them. Then I convicted her of making me wrong without justification. Being the centre of the universe; I don't have to justify myself to anyone. (watchout for incoming lightning bolts).
A friend once told me "light yourself and fire, and people will come from all over to watch you burn".
What I discovered this morning is that I make an assessment as to whether a person should be allowed to say what they say. I assess what I believe to be the root of why they say what they say; in an effort to discredit them. All of this keeps me occupied so I don't have to be responsible for whatever it was that the conflict was about.
I am the human smoke screen. Call me the "Teflon Dan". Stuff just slides off me, cuz it aint my fault.
I believe what is worth noting is that whether the person saying what they are saying is justified or NOT; it doesn't matter. WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES RESPONSIBILITIES??? They are none of my business. And I hide behind them so I can continue to be irresponsible and blame everyone else BUT myself for my life. I also discovered this morning; I am real good at this.
If you need help coaching on how to build a good smoke screen, I am your man. I have spent a lifetime perfecting this.
So my report to you is this; I observed myself this morning doing what I have always done. I found myself able to control my reaction. It required allot of me to do this. I was fighting with all my strength the overwhelming urge to defend myself (and be right). I forced myself to stand there and just listen. Listen for what is my responsibility.
It was difficult and will require much exercise, but that is my commitment.
Love Always,
The WebGodFather
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I made an interesting discovery. Within that moment I had a number of intense thoughts. One was "This is NOT FAIR." Anyone remember that one from when you were kids. Well this is alive and well in me at age 39. Justice. "This is not fair that I should be spoken to in this way. She SHOULD....." BINGO. The "should" mentality of living. She should this, she should that. Followed by "WHY SHOULD I..... WHEN SHE....."
This leads into the next point. I discovered that in that situation I was analyzing and assessing (JUDGING) what her reactions were, where they came from, and whether she should be allowed to have them. Then I convicted her of making me wrong without justification. Being the centre of the universe; I don't have to justify myself to anyone. (watchout for incoming lightning bolts).
A friend once told me "light yourself and fire, and people will come from all over to watch you burn".
What I discovered this morning is that I make an assessment as to whether a person should be allowed to say what they say. I assess what I believe to be the root of why they say what they say; in an effort to discredit them. All of this keeps me occupied so I don't have to be responsible for whatever it was that the conflict was about.
I am the human smoke screen. Call me the "Teflon Dan". Stuff just slides off me, cuz it aint my fault.
I believe what is worth noting is that whether the person saying what they are saying is justified or NOT; it doesn't matter. WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES RESPONSIBILITIES??? They are none of my business. And I hide behind them so I can continue to be irresponsible and blame everyone else BUT myself for my life. I also discovered this morning; I am real good at this.
If you need help coaching on how to build a good smoke screen, I am your man. I have spent a lifetime perfecting this.
So my report to you is this; I observed myself this morning doing what I have always done. I found myself able to control my reaction. It required allot of me to do this. I was fighting with all my strength the overwhelming urge to defend myself (and be right). I forced myself to stand there and just listen. Listen for what is my responsibility.
It was difficult and will require much exercise, but that is my commitment.
Love Always,
The WebGodFather
Add this site to your RSS client: http://landmarkeducation-rocks.blogspot.com/atom.xml
posted by Daniel Hewton at
9:14 AM
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